What's happened to all the people?
It was my birthday on wednesday. But i could very well not have been anyway. There were a few people who remembered. I'm glad these people did. Truely thankful that they did. But those whhom I thought would, well didn't. It got me thinking about how long it has been since I stayed away from home. I'm thinking it's been too long.
I'm thinking how much I've closed up myself into my own little world and how that world has become dry and meaningless. Dry because my closest friends have become distant as time erodes the bondages of friendship. My fear is one day friends become mere acquinatences. My greater fear is that deep within my heart I've lost the strength to restore those very bonds. Much less to deepen them. Meaningless because in the pursuit of academic survial( I don't use the word success because I'm barely succeeding) I'm barely surviving. My performance is average and at times even medicocre; adding up to my list of disappointments.
Amidst all the facade of smiles, I think people from my CG are beginning to sense this as well. Especially my brothers whom I've prayed and confided i once in while.
I've never felt so lost in my life. I've never felt so out of control, so uncertain of what to do. The weight of academic pursuits, relationships dulling, ministry weighs heavy on me.
Oh God!What am I to do? Where is the power of the cross, the Comfort of the Holy Spirit and the fervour of revival in my life. Where is the joy You promised? Where is the life everlasting? The water that springs forth from eternal life. This sounds really like Job....
I didn't realise that. Job lost everything that he owed. Dwelled in misery and the meaningless cacaphonies of his friends who couldn't really comfort him. But in the end God answered. He answered personally. He re-established His Soverignity in Job's life and blessed Job ever more greatly because Job preservered and did not curse his God's name in the midst of his struggles.
This speaks to me. But preseverance is so ardous and painful. I must trust that God is in control and God loves me. I must...Even if that's hard to believe right now.
Perhaps it would be apt to also ask what happened to me? And not what happened to the people. But when all is lost and hope seems far away, I don't even know what happened to me. Or where do I start. Can I start at the beginning once more? Can time turn back it's hands and I start anew and afresh...
Hope is deferred. In God hope is assured. But God assure me will you? Cause these dry bones to come alive once more...
I'm thinking how much I've closed up myself into my own little world and how that world has become dry and meaningless. Dry because my closest friends have become distant as time erodes the bondages of friendship. My fear is one day friends become mere acquinatences. My greater fear is that deep within my heart I've lost the strength to restore those very bonds. Much less to deepen them. Meaningless because in the pursuit of academic survial( I don't use the word success because I'm barely succeeding) I'm barely surviving. My performance is average and at times even medicocre; adding up to my list of disappointments.
Amidst all the facade of smiles, I think people from my CG are beginning to sense this as well. Especially my brothers whom I've prayed and confided i once in while.
I've never felt so lost in my life. I've never felt so out of control, so uncertain of what to do. The weight of academic pursuits, relationships dulling, ministry weighs heavy on me.
Oh God!What am I to do? Where is the power of the cross, the Comfort of the Holy Spirit and the fervour of revival in my life. Where is the joy You promised? Where is the life everlasting? The water that springs forth from eternal life. This sounds really like Job....
I didn't realise that. Job lost everything that he owed. Dwelled in misery and the meaningless cacaphonies of his friends who couldn't really comfort him. But in the end God answered. He answered personally. He re-established His Soverignity in Job's life and blessed Job ever more greatly because Job preservered and did not curse his God's name in the midst of his struggles.
This speaks to me. But preseverance is so ardous and painful. I must trust that God is in control and God loves me. I must...Even if that's hard to believe right now.
Perhaps it would be apt to also ask what happened to me? And not what happened to the people. But when all is lost and hope seems far away, I don't even know what happened to me. Or where do I start. Can I start at the beginning once more? Can time turn back it's hands and I start anew and afresh...
Hope is deferred. In God hope is assured. But God assure me will you? Cause these dry bones to come alive once more...
