22nd Jan 2005 - 1 Day before Touch Rugby
I've never played any form of competitive sports in my life. Mostly because I always brought up to believe that academics was the most important priority in my life. Never took up a sport in secondary school and didn't exactly excelled in Taekwondo in JC.
But you know things change when you become a hostelite in university. Joined Touch Rugby and Hockey. Both team sport and competitive at that. We're suppose to take part in Inter Hall Games... Well here I am 2 years into the 2 sports I picked from scratch and still very much the beginner. Understanding more the sport as I go along. Also understanding myself and my nature. The latter is something I didn't expect. It's also got me thinking quite a bit.
Well let's start with understanding myself. I realised that 20 odd years of very little sports has resulted in underdeveloped psychomotor skills which has proven time an again to be a great embaressment. But by His Grace I am getting better at it and I suppose it's improved by a great deal as compared to when I was in secondary school or in Junior College.
I also realised as I trained rather sinster streaks within my character which I must strive to change.
For one it's the humility portion. I realied that I've been pretty proud person for a while. Doing reasonably well in academically while in secondary school has nurtured a rather huge ego which has been diminished time and again on the hockey pitch and on the field. I basically a fish out of water. Perhaps, these are God's instruments to humble my ways...
The other sinister thing is that I have this tendency to give myself excuses. When the ball doesn't go where it should, when I'm slower than everyone else on the team, when the captain points out fatal error I made on the pitch... Excuses come to my mind. I'm not feeling well, I just tired, I'm not on form.... After much reflection I suppose they are true only a negligable period of time. Have I, in an effort to stroke my wounded ego as a fish out of water compromised the desire to learn and better myself? Possiibly. Has the pursuit of excellence been compromised in the process? That's an affirmative.
What use do I have for excuses? I can't learn from them. To hide my weaknesses? I suppose. But in the process become a liability to my team mates and be reduced to the pursuit of mere mediocrity in my life. I will not have that!
I'm reminded of the hymn which exhorts us to Give of the Best to our Master. To do all things as unto the Lord. To pursue the excellent things for my God. To honour Him on the pitch, on the field and in my life. Yes! I will not contend with mediocrity! I cannot. For if even this is an act of worship and offering unto my Lord then nothing but the best of me will suffice. Yes! I will not have that...
But it's hard.
How many times I have question the learning abilities of those around me. Surely they far exceed me. Like today for instance. The Captain commented my team mates about their positioning and play. But for me the comments remain about my basic skills. "Still very weak" was his comment. How many times have I heard that before. Even the Touch Rugby Captain commented on the same thing.
Many times I wonder if I'll ever get it. If not for the encouragement of some of my other team mates, I am certain that giving up would have been the course of events.
Sports just doesn't come naturally for me. Then again, so is everything else. Acaademics and music. It just seems that I have no talent for anything. I see friends around who put in so little effort with maximum results. For me, I have to put in twice the effort with nowhere near the results.
It gets me down. Really it does. What good am I if I'm never good at anything? I wonder if God forgot about me when He was giving everyone their talents?
Perpetually on the reserve team (joining those who picked up the sport just one year after me) and still the average achiever in my course (while my study partner continues to soar to greater academic heights). Perennial underdog is an apt description.
Pathetic wouldn't you say?
But draw some comfort in the fact that though I might not be better than everyone else in multitude of things and as painful a fact that is to admit, there is one thing that I'm really good at - depedence. Dependence on God.
How often have I cried out to the Lord for strength and He answered with a supernatural peace so personal that only one in great weakness may understand. And I am plenty weak.
Can the golds, praises of peers and the distinctions ever replace the moments of closeness this created being draws to His Creator? Can they take the place of those moments of anguish where the Lord of Glory came as the Comforter and the prescence of the Holy Spirit becomes so eveident that indecribable Hope and Joy fills this mortal heart and broken soul?
Assuredly no.
Perhaps insecurities of mine own abilities will abound much in my life. Growing up does that to you alot. And 23 years is a long time growing up.
But if every weakness and failure becomes a moment of dependence on my Lord and opportunity to see Him glorified in my life than perhaps they are not "weakensses" and "failures" but moments of glory. Where the Lord of Glory displays His splendor throught the weakest of mortal Man. That He might have pre-emminace.
That I be like Paul and say that if there is anything in my life that is worth boasting about it is that in my weakness His glory is revealed. The will I say, as the Created, I have had my share of glory. The glory of my Father. Wouldn't you say?
But you know things change when you become a hostelite in university. Joined Touch Rugby and Hockey. Both team sport and competitive at that. We're suppose to take part in Inter Hall Games... Well here I am 2 years into the 2 sports I picked from scratch and still very much the beginner. Understanding more the sport as I go along. Also understanding myself and my nature. The latter is something I didn't expect. It's also got me thinking quite a bit.
Well let's start with understanding myself. I realised that 20 odd years of very little sports has resulted in underdeveloped psychomotor skills which has proven time an again to be a great embaressment. But by His Grace I am getting better at it and I suppose it's improved by a great deal as compared to when I was in secondary school or in Junior College.
I also realised as I trained rather sinster streaks within my character which I must strive to change.
For one it's the humility portion. I realied that I've been pretty proud person for a while. Doing reasonably well in academically while in secondary school has nurtured a rather huge ego which has been diminished time and again on the hockey pitch and on the field. I basically a fish out of water. Perhaps, these are God's instruments to humble my ways...
The other sinister thing is that I have this tendency to give myself excuses. When the ball doesn't go where it should, when I'm slower than everyone else on the team, when the captain points out fatal error I made on the pitch... Excuses come to my mind. I'm not feeling well, I just tired, I'm not on form.... After much reflection I suppose they are true only a negligable period of time. Have I, in an effort to stroke my wounded ego as a fish out of water compromised the desire to learn and better myself? Possiibly. Has the pursuit of excellence been compromised in the process? That's an affirmative.
What use do I have for excuses? I can't learn from them. To hide my weaknesses? I suppose. But in the process become a liability to my team mates and be reduced to the pursuit of mere mediocrity in my life. I will not have that!
I'm reminded of the hymn which exhorts us to Give of the Best to our Master. To do all things as unto the Lord. To pursue the excellent things for my God. To honour Him on the pitch, on the field and in my life. Yes! I will not contend with mediocrity! I cannot. For if even this is an act of worship and offering unto my Lord then nothing but the best of me will suffice. Yes! I will not have that...
But it's hard.
How many times I have question the learning abilities of those around me. Surely they far exceed me. Like today for instance. The Captain commented my team mates about their positioning and play. But for me the comments remain about my basic skills. "Still very weak" was his comment. How many times have I heard that before. Even the Touch Rugby Captain commented on the same thing.
Many times I wonder if I'll ever get it. If not for the encouragement of some of my other team mates, I am certain that giving up would have been the course of events.
Sports just doesn't come naturally for me. Then again, so is everything else. Acaademics and music. It just seems that I have no talent for anything. I see friends around who put in so little effort with maximum results. For me, I have to put in twice the effort with nowhere near the results.
It gets me down. Really it does. What good am I if I'm never good at anything? I wonder if God forgot about me when He was giving everyone their talents?
Perpetually on the reserve team (joining those who picked up the sport just one year after me) and still the average achiever in my course (while my study partner continues to soar to greater academic heights). Perennial underdog is an apt description.
Pathetic wouldn't you say?
But draw some comfort in the fact that though I might not be better than everyone else in multitude of things and as painful a fact that is to admit, there is one thing that I'm really good at - depedence. Dependence on God.
How often have I cried out to the Lord for strength and He answered with a supernatural peace so personal that only one in great weakness may understand. And I am plenty weak.
Can the golds, praises of peers and the distinctions ever replace the moments of closeness this created being draws to His Creator? Can they take the place of those moments of anguish where the Lord of Glory came as the Comforter and the prescence of the Holy Spirit becomes so eveident that indecribable Hope and Joy fills this mortal heart and broken soul?
Assuredly no.
Perhaps insecurities of mine own abilities will abound much in my life. Growing up does that to you alot. And 23 years is a long time growing up.
But if every weakness and failure becomes a moment of dependence on my Lord and opportunity to see Him glorified in my life than perhaps they are not "weakensses" and "failures" but moments of glory. Where the Lord of Glory displays His splendor throught the weakest of mortal Man. That He might have pre-emminace.
That I be like Paul and say that if there is anything in my life that is worth boasting about it is that in my weakness His glory is revealed. The will I say, as the Created, I have had my share of glory. The glory of my Father. Wouldn't you say?
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home