30th July 2004 Running Scared
I'm running scared.
Jesus said in MK 8:34 "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
When Jesus said this I wonder if he had people like me in mind. I wonder what the world would think of man who would empty himself as Christ did? Who would give up all the things the world has to offer - academic excellence, recognition, the acknowledegments of peers and the most difficult of all - personal ambition.
Paul(not the Apostle) was speaking today about emptying ourselves so that we may follow Christ. To deny myself. To carry my own cross. This smells of death. It reeks of a painful surrender.. of utter denial of my own desires and worst some of mine own dreams...
Paul likened us to empty glasses filled with stones. For we like the glass is transparent and could show forth God's glory. Like a city on a hill I guess. But the stones represent our selfish ambitions. Desires that draw us away from God. Away from His prescence - that clutter our Light and makes bland our Saltiness.
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden." (Matt 5:14)
I consider in retrospect the incidents in my life when I have hidden that light. My sins, my procrastination, my own ambitions, my pursuit of earthly things that will fade away one day, my speech and my actions. Oh Lord how I have fallen short! Oh Lord how difficult it is to die deny myslf.
And yet as I sat in deep thought the consequence of one day emptying myself, I am caught up in mixed emotions. One of desire to please my Lord. Yet the other and this certainly the more obvious - fear.
I'm running scared. Afraid of what I will become. Sometimes I think that the whole world - my non-Christian friends, brother, my church friends and even myslef are waiting for me to surrender. Sometimes I feel that they are waiting albiet silently or subconsciously for me. For something. I wonder if this has any relevance to this but it makes me scared.
For if I were to empty of myself then I venture into the unknown.
If the Lord would require all the stones to be removed then what will the world see? Nothingness or a glory that is not of this world but is of the Lord?
Emptiness or a fullness of joy in one who dwells in the prescence of the Lord?
Perhaps I already know...
Jesus said in MK 8:34 "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
When Jesus said this I wonder if he had people like me in mind. I wonder what the world would think of man who would empty himself as Christ did? Who would give up all the things the world has to offer - academic excellence, recognition, the acknowledegments of peers and the most difficult of all - personal ambition.
Paul(not the Apostle) was speaking today about emptying ourselves so that we may follow Christ. To deny myself. To carry my own cross. This smells of death. It reeks of a painful surrender.. of utter denial of my own desires and worst some of mine own dreams...
Paul likened us to empty glasses filled with stones. For we like the glass is transparent and could show forth God's glory. Like a city on a hill I guess. But the stones represent our selfish ambitions. Desires that draw us away from God. Away from His prescence - that clutter our Light and makes bland our Saltiness.
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden." (Matt 5:14)
I consider in retrospect the incidents in my life when I have hidden that light. My sins, my procrastination, my own ambitions, my pursuit of earthly things that will fade away one day, my speech and my actions. Oh Lord how I have fallen short! Oh Lord how difficult it is to die deny myslf.
And yet as I sat in deep thought the consequence of one day emptying myself, I am caught up in mixed emotions. One of desire to please my Lord. Yet the other and this certainly the more obvious - fear.
I'm running scared. Afraid of what I will become. Sometimes I think that the whole world - my non-Christian friends, brother, my church friends and even myslef are waiting for me to surrender. Sometimes I feel that they are waiting albiet silently or subconsciously for me. For something. I wonder if this has any relevance to this but it makes me scared.
For if I were to empty of myself then I venture into the unknown.
If the Lord would require all the stones to be removed then what will the world see? Nothingness or a glory that is not of this world but is of the Lord?
Emptiness or a fullness of joy in one who dwells in the prescence of the Lord?
Perhaps I already know...
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