Back Here again

I guess I haven't been blogging for quite some time.
Oh well been pretty busy with lotsa stuff. Darn really hate being busy. Anyway, I actually doing my internship at a Japanese MNC. A systems and control firm. But that's not what I'm doing. I'm actually programming using VB for some data migration software which my supervisor says would be useful in the long run. I write more about the it in the future but suffice to say I know nothing a Visual Basic(VB) when I started out. Was an upscale task trying to pick up the programming language much lest create something that is useful.

I just recieved my resuts today. Well actually I just had the courage to look at it today. It was out on Wednesday. I can't say I performed as expected but it was below what I had hoped for. So I'm kinda confused whether to be thankful or sulk in disapponitment.

I did some calculation from my part and realised that no matter how hard I try a 2nd Upper seems very out of reach. But I'm not going to give up trying. Because I know I do this as unto the Lord and not for the grades. Still, it is a difficult paradime shift. It's diffcult to be working hard of r a goal that you know is almost unattainable.

But you know working for a company during this internship has really got me thinking. After all the studying is through, all the difficulty and hardship to get the grades; to make the mark what is left is a mundane and stressful workplace. Doesn't sound very encouraging at all.Not something to look forward to ...


I was talking to some friends about tha nature of work. And I said
"Can I not work for a living?"

And to a large extent this has influenced my thinking about studies. i mean if studies was meant to prepare you for work and work is what I now percieve it to be then I seems pretty much meaningless. What am I pursuing? TO bind myself to a company, take home a pay check at the end of the month, then pet myself on the back and say I've done I great job?

I dread the fact that working means you're away from the ones you love. I dread the fact that it drains you of your energy at the end of the day and you can only choose 1 thing to do or nothing at all. I can go back home and be a couch potatoe or I can surf the net, or I can meet with friends but never all 3. It's always a painful choice.

Then there's the people whome I love. The friends and the family. I've grown to cherish these people more each day. I's starting to believe that they are all God's gift. Many times I take them for granted. But now during the hols when I want to show otherwise, I'm limited by time.

Sometimes I feel that life drains out of me as I work.

Whatever you do do it as unto the Lord.
That's what the bible says. I find that extremely difficult. I asked my VCF leaders what this meant. And they weren't quite definite in their answers.

Faith said: It means doing your best and surrendering it to God. At some point I felt that I meant that even work was an act of worship as unto the Lord.

The context of the verse was refering to slaves who were to submit to their masters and to do all things as unto the Lord. That seems to match my sentiments about work.

Yvonne said something very revealing. She said that if you don't want mundaness then go be a social worker or a staff worker. Life will never be mundane cos you're dealing with people everyday. It may be draining but never mundane. This echoed my thoughts many years back in JC when I told Evan that I was thinking about full time ministry because I don't see the point in working. I think deep down in my heart these sentiments still hold.

I have no real answers. Still I have questions a plenty.

Lord wouldn't you tell me the answer. Or if not wouldn't you grant me joy in the workplace. Joy that is from everlasting to everlasting. At least that would sustain me. Grant me purpose. At least that would drive me. Amen.